Soul Contracts: A Deeper Harm Against Innocent Survivors
Let’s Take an Embodied Pause
As you read, I invite you to pause for 10 seconds between paragraphs—or as long as you need—to check in with your body. Notice any sensation that comes up with curiosity and kindness, without trying to judge or analyze it. Breathe deeply, stretch, move gently—whatever your body asks for.
Ready?
First, What Is Victim Blaming?
Victim blaming is the humiliating and harmful act of suggesting that a person’s abuse or exploitation was their fault- rather than placing responsibility where it belongs: on the perpetrator, the enablers, the systems, and the cultures that allowed that harm to happen.
When we victim blame, we shift the burden onto survivors instead of holding abusers and harmful systems accountable. I used to think this way too, until I began my healing journey with a professional trauma-informed therapist specializing in sexual assault.
How the Spiritual Community Often Victim Blames
Victim blaming shows up in many spiritual spaces. You might recognize it in ideas like:
- The law of attraction (You attracted this to yourself)
- Toxic positivity (Just think positive and forgive)
- Karmic debt from past lives (You’re suffering now because of something you did in a previous life)
But perhaps the most damaging spiritual concept for survivors is the idea of soul contracts.
What then Are Soul Contracts?
According to many spiritual teachers, a soul contract is an agreement we make with the Universe or God before birth, choosing the experiences and relationships we’ll have on Earth.
Under this belief, if someone suffers abuse, exploitation, or harm, it’s because their soul chose that suffering to fulfill some cosmic lesson. Even perpetrators are seen as part of this divine agreement to help survivors “evolve.”
In this view, trauma is no longer an injustice; it’s a spiritual appointment.
Why Soul Contracts Are Especially Harmful
Everything about the soul contract theory is toxic, degrading, and harmful to survivors of power-based trauma. When spiritual leaders frame abuse as something a victim chose before birth, they:
- Excuse perpetrators.
- Minimize survivors’ pain.
- Strengthen abusive systems and ideologies (like sexism, racism, ableism, homophobia, etc.).
When abusers hear these excuses, it empowers them to continue hurting others, knowing that even the spiritual community may absolve them:
“The victim agreed to this. It’s part of their soul’s path.”
But Let’s Think About It
Are we really saying that:
A rape survivor agreed to be raped? An intimate partner violence survivor agreed to be emotionally broken down until they didn’t want to live anymore even if they had children to care for?
That’s not just absurd, it’s cruel.
Survivors lose time, relationships, trust, and sometimes even the ability to begin relationships. They spend thousands trying to heal from a trauma they never asked for.
Yet some still say:
“It’s not your fault, but you agreed to it.”
“You chose your abusive parent, partner, or situation.”
This is victim blaming in disguise. It refuses to put the full responsibility where it belongs: on the abuser, the enablers, and the systems that allowed harm to exist.
To Survivors Reading This: You Did Not Choose Your Trauma!
You did not know, attract, or agree to the harm you endured.
It doesn’t matter:
- How drunk or high you were.
- The number of people you slept with.
- If you stayed out after curfew.
- If you snuck out of the house.
- If you weren’t ready for therapy.
- What your immigration status was.
- And whatever else someone will say to blame you.
None of that matters.
No one had the right to violate your body, your mind, and your spirit.
You are innocent. Period!
Say it aloud:
“I am innocent.”
Add the “Period” if you want! Keep saying it until you believe it.
Find Support for Your Healing
If you’re a survivor, I encourage you to seek a trauma-conscious (a term I prefer over ‘trauma-informed’) therapist or spiritual healer who specializes in power-based trauma.
A true specialist will have:
- Education (formal or informal) on trauma.
- Real-world experience with power-based trauma survivors.
- Ongoing practice and growth in this field.
Another option: join a support group with like-minded survivors, led by someone who is trauma-conscious.
(The leader doesn’t have to be a therapist but they must understand the realities and needs of power-based trauma survivors).
In addition, you may find healing in trauma-conscious spiritual practices like:
- Connecting with your most honorable and favorable ancestors (known and unknown).
- Gentle timeline-jumping (used carefully – not forced under “manifestation” teachings).
- Expressive arts: especially movement and dance to the sound of drums.
(There are other practices, too but we’ll discuss more another time).
Survivors Deserve Our Full Care
Survivors need healing, not blame.
They deserve compassion, not judgment.
They deserve freedom, not shame.
I wish you well on your healing journey.
Remember to take your embodied pause.
In Love, Community, & Reciprocity,
Dr. Faith
